After a 4 month hiatus, I am back in the blogging saddle! I’ve missed each and every one of you! With Mother’s Day approaching (May 14!), I didn’t want another special occasion to pass without throwing in my two cents worth; because you know me.. I crave a good rant or two.
I hummed and hawed over whether or not to post this Blog. Mostly because I didn’t want the waters muddied by what I am writing vs. what I truly feel in my heart.
As a mother to a 3.5 year old, I love to have lots of laughter in our home. My husband and I love joking with our daughter and keeping things light and airy. It’s
just how we do it and it works for us. If you choose to read on, things will probably go one of two ways for you- Thoughts might run through your head that say
“wow, what a heartless b!tch“. Or, if you’re a rock star, you’ll laugh and think “Yes. #MomGoals”.
Okay- You’ve already read all of the blogs about “What Mother’s Want for Mother’s Day”(a bottle of wine) and “What Mother’s REALLY Want for Mother’s Day”
(a silent night). Sure, that’s all well and good but what about the shit that we DON’T want?!! Time to break it down.
Number 1. Do you honestly think I really want to wake up to soggy toast and crappy coffee in bed? Like seriously, I JUST heard the toilet flush and I know damn well that you didn’t wash those dirty little digits! And then you made me breakfast.. I’d try to discretely garbage it but you have to watch my every bite (with that adorable little smile plastered all over your face) and then I have to tell you consistently how amazing said soggy toast is. YAY ME. 10 extra minutes of pillow time would have sufficed.
Number 2. Beautiful, one-of-a-kind “hand made by you” cards. Yes please. Give me one more horrific piece of jagged edged construction paper that I have to save out of guilt
and possibility that you might ask to see it 10 years down the road. And I can’t wait to clean up all of the glitter and minuscule pieces of confetti later. “Check the junk drawer, dear”.
Number 3. Personalized “coupons”. If I wanted a free hug I would have asked for one from Channing Tatum, not from the toddler who hangs off of my ankles while I pee.
Number 4. Although it is a great confidence booster, I don’t need a mug that says “Best Mother In the World” AGAIN. Plaster something more accurate on that b!tch like
“Mommin’ ain’t easy” or “Tired AF” and fill it with vodka. Now that’ll impress me!
Number 5. Home Made Cookies just for me! Because egg shells and sneeze. Why not.
I hope you laughed as much as my friends and my own mother did at this. Although this post may be inspired by true events, I in no way want to portray that these gifts aren’t welcomed in our home. I love and cherish each and every hand made card. I bring my “Best Mom Ever” mug with me to work each and every day and I would take my daughter’s hug over Channing any day (although I do say this with a heavy heart).
Good luck this Mother’s Day, Mama. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Topic inspired by my sister/best friend/mother of 5 little crazies ❤